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You’ve probably heard of narcissistic personality disorder, or perhaps someone in your life has talked to you about a narcissistic person who has inflicted harm upon them.
When people talk about narcissists, they often reference malignant or grandiose narcissists, who seem to be self-absorbed and willing to take advantage of others for their gain.
Another form of narcissism you may encounter is communal narcissism. While people who fall under this category seem self-sacrificing, their behavior may not be genuine. Learn about communal narcissist traits and how to deal with a communal narcissist here.
What is a communal narcissist?
When we think of a narcissistic person, we often imagine what experts refer to as a grandiose narcissist. Someone with this personality type has an inflated sense of self-importance, and they feel as if they are entitled to have all of their demands met.
Because of these traits, grandiose narcissists come across as rather selfish, arrogant, and insensitive.
On the other hand, a communal narcissist may not be as easy to spot. So, what is communal narcissism? As the name might suggest, communal narcissists view themselves as being superior to others in terms of communal traits.
For instance, a typical narcissist may feel they are smarter, better looking, or stronger than others. In contrast, communal narcissists view themselves as superior to others because they are kind-hearted and giving.
A narcissist who sees themselves as being superior because of their intelligence or good looks is said to have agentic narcissism, whereas a narcissist who places themselves on a pedestal for prosocial behavior is communal.
The problem with communal narcissists is that their views of themselves as being especially kind, caring, and generous typically do not align with reality. The communal narcissist may believe they are especially kind to others when others do not see them this way.
A communal narcissist may brag about their service and good deeds to others, but they often exaggerate and have little support to back up their claims. Their true aim is not to help others but rather to be seen as helpful because this feeds their self-esteem.
Communal narcissism examples
If you’re still unsure how to identify a communal narcissist, some examples of this personality trait can clarify things. Consider the communal narcissism examples below:
- Jumping in to do others’ jobs for them in the workplace because they feel that the organization would fall to the ground without them.
- Stepping into volunteering for a big project and then attempting to take over and undermine the contributions of others.
- Making a big show about donating money to a cause and then passing judgment on others who donate less.
- Constantly giving unsolicited advice to appear like a kind person.
- Insisting upon teaching new skills, such as sports-related skills, to other people but not accepting help with working on their skills.
- Spending a significant amount of time talking about causes that are important to them.
- Bragging about how much time they spend volunteering or how much money they spend on charitable contributions.
- Needing to be the center of attention at public events, that it detracts from the purpose of the event.
- Talking at length about their knowledge of important social causes but being unable to demonstrate evidence of that knowledge when called upon to do so.
What these examples all have in common is that the communal narcissist is attempting to appear prosocial, meaning they want to be seen as kind, cooperative, and trustworthy. However, their attempts to appear this way are for personal gain. They don’t really want to help others; they want to be seen as superior for their kind acts.
In addition, the communal narcissist often lacks knowledge of how to be generous or contribute positively to social causes.
Check out the following video for more on communal narcissism:
6 communal narcissism signs
If you’re wondering if someone in your life is a communal narcissist, some signs can point toward this personality type. Below are six common communal narcissist traits.
1. Extreme focus on a specific charity or cause
A communal narcissist will make a point to pour a significant amount of time and energy into a charitable cause. They may be so focused on their commitment to a charity that they let other areas of life go. This is because feeling as if they are a good citizen is important for their self-image.
2. Fixation on public image
One of the key communal narcissism symptoms is a fixation on public image while caring very little about what one does in private. This means that the communal narcissist may be vocal about certain causes, such as fighting against global warming, but in private, they do very little to support these causes.
3. Wanting all the credit
Because the intent of communal narcissism is to look generous in the public eye, the communal narcissist will want to ensure they get credit for every good deed. If their name isn’t tied to some community service project, they will become outraged, even if they only played a small role. They may even make themselves the center of attention during charity events because they see these events as an opportunity to be the star of the show.
4. Creating conflict at public events
While a communal narcissist will certainly want to participate in public events, especially those supporting a worthy cause, they tend to veer off course during such events.
Instead of focusing solely on the common good, they become wrapped up in politics, seeking to place themselves at the top of the hierarchy, so they do not miss out on an opportunity to appear charitable. This can create drama and hurt feelings.
Related Reading:23 Tips to Overcome Your Conflict Avoidance Issue in Relationship5. Looking down upon others
A communal narcissist may be particularly vocal about others they perceive as inferior. For example, they may scold others for not donating money to certain causes or admonish others for not participating fully in a charity event.
The point is that communal narcissists see themselves as superior to others because they are so generous.
6. Seeking validation for their good deeds
A communal narcissist will ensure that others know their good deeds. This means they will post photos of themselves at community events, make lengthy statements about how much time they spend helping others, or turn the topic of every conversation into a discussion of their preferred charitable cause.
They will also become extremely upset and may even have a “temper tantrum” if they feel they do not receive the recognition they deserve for their charitable contributions.
Related Reading:Validation: The Secret to Deeper ConnectionImpacts of communal narcissism on relationships
One might think that communal narcissism would lead to happy relationships. After all, participating in charitable causes and giving back to the community seem like things that generous, kind people do.
However, doing good isn’t actually about helping others for the communal narcissist. Instead, being seen as a generous person enhances the narcissist’s self-esteem.
Given that communal narcissism is just a false display of prosocial behavior, it can be difficult to be in a relationship with a communal narcissist. The communal narcissist may be generous in public but come home and be cruel to their families.
In addition, communal narcissists may be so wrapped up in maintaining their own public image that they neglect their significant other.
Furthermore, communal narcissism can lead to outbursts of anger if things do not go as planned. If a communal narcissist takes a blow to their self-esteem, if a public event does not go as planned, they are likely to take it out on their loved ones.
Ultimately, being in a relationship with a communal narcissist comes with challenges. People with this personality trait may seem pleasant in public, but in interpersonal relationships, they can come across as self-centered and insensitive. They seem to be entirely different at home than in public, leading to distress for their loved ones.
How to deal with communal narcissists: 5 strategies
Suppose someone in your life displays communal narcissism symptoms. In that case, you may experience frustration, sadness, and confusion. Learning how to deal with these symptoms is important so that the stress of having a communal narcissist in your life does not take a toll on your well-being.
Consider the strategies below for dealing with a communal narcissist:
1. Don’t question them
The hypocrisy of communal narcissism may seem apparent, but you should resist the urge to question the communal narcissist or call them out on inconsistencies.
While you may be bothered by their behavior, the reality is that confronting them will only make matters worse. They’re likely to become angry and even try to harm you if you challenge them.
2. Learn to set boundaries
Interacting with a communal narcissist can be draining, so learning to set boundaries is important.
This may mean telling them you’re not going to work on projects with them if they are disrespectful or refusing to engage with them when they want to debate with you about a charitable cause.
3. Don’t get swept into neglecting your own values
A communal narcissist is likely to be dominant in most interactions, and you may be tempted to place your values aside to appease the narcissist.
Try to avoid falling into this trap. You have a right to stay true to yourself, regardless of what the communal narcissist tries to tell you.
Related Reading:11 Core Relationship Values Every Couple Must Have4. Limit your interactions
If possible, you may need to limit your time with someone who shows communal narcissism signs. The truth is that interactions with them can be quite draining, and you may need to communicate only on an as-needed basis.
Related Reading:Change Negative Interaction Cycle to Positive to Save Marriage5. Practice self-care
A relationship with a narcissist can affect your mental health, especially if this person is a spouse, significant other, or close friend.
If you’re in a close relationship with someone who displays communal narcissism traits, it’s important to take time to care for yourself. This means participating in hobbies you enjoy, making time for exercise, and getting plenty of rest.
FAQs
If you’re asking questions like, “What is communal narcissism?” the following information can also be useful.
Can communal narcissism be treated?
It can be difficult to treat communal narcissism simply because people with narcissistic traits tend to think highly of themselves, so they’re unlikely to see a need for treatment.
For those willing to seek help, therapy or counseling can help overcome symptoms of communal narcissism.
In therapy sessions, people who experience communal narcissism traits can explore the underlying issues leading to their extreme need for public approval, and develop positive coping strategies.
Is communal narcissism a mental health condition?
Communal narcissism falls under the umbrella of narcissistic personality disorder, a diagnosable condition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
It is labeled as a personality disorder, a long-lasting pattern of behavior that leads a person to demonstrate traits that differ significantly from what is considered normal or appropriate.
Are communal narcissists likable?
Communal narcissists can appear quite friendly and generous in public, so they may be likable and even have a large group of friends. However, people who know them the best tend to see through their charisma and perfect public image.
While likable in the public eye, the communal narcissist is likely to ruffle some feathers in their closest relationships.
Conclusion
Communal narcissism can lead to stress and frustration for the person who demonstrates this personality type and the people around that person. If you have signs of communal narcissism and they are creating problems with life satisfaction or daily functioning, reaching out for therapy can help.
When someone in your life has communal narcissism, it’s important to care for yourself and set boundaries, so their behavior does not cause you serious distress.
If the behavior of a communal narcissist becomes abusive, there are support groups available to help. You may also benefit from seeking therapy to overcome the emotional effects of narcissistic abuse and learn ways of developing healthy intimate relationships.
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